Updated: Mar 12, 2020
Love addiction is a personal definition, which is different than being addicted to drugs or alcohol.
Some can have a drink or two and never touch it again and for others, it's as if you turned the light switch on and once it's on...they can't stop drinking or drugging.
With love addiction, the substance is love, which is so confusing because love is a feeling we're supposed to have, just not when it makes you feel bad about yourself.
There are periods where I'm really "high" (i.e. when a hot guy make eye contact or strikes up a conversation) you'll find that my voice elevates, my skin is hot to the touch and I feel like the light switch is on and energy is coursing through my veins.
After the interaction is over, I'm talking about it for hours, thinking about it for days and may even say his name more than my own to anyone who will listen.
Here are some other experiences that you may relate to:
you question your every move when involved or interested with someone; from reading your string of texts or asking your friends their advice about how to respond
you bring them up in conversation any chance you get
you cancel on your friends or rearrange your schedule to make time for them
you feel and act overly responsible for their well-being
you feel and act responsible for their actions; explaining why they did or didn't call you back (you feel relieved when they call you back)
when they don't act the way you want them to, you are confused and question if they really liked/loved you and replay sex scenes, flirtations between you two, and things they said to you over and over, again.
you are distracted from thoughts and fantasies about them at work, home, with friends, sleeping, etc.
you notice a few red flags, but don't mention anything or if you do, it's a passive way to avoid coming across suspicious, jealous or needy.
you compare yourself to what others are doing in their interactions or relationships, copy them, and expect similar results only to be left feeling more confused than before you copied them.
you're not sure you're the only one they're with and don't want to come across needy so you don't ask and instead continue to spend time or sleep with them without answers.
you're not sure if it's you or them because when they disappoint you by not acting the way you want them to; you feel like shit
Are you a sex and love addict? Take this quiz to learn if you are.
While you may be able to state what you need with the small stuff; like which restaurant to go to; asking for what you need in the relationship is a whole other story because you don't want to come across needy.
I've found hope in knowing there's a quiet confidence that appears with practicing new habits with accountability, support from others, and truth in sharing your experiences.
I always assumed that these characteristics were merely being in my 20's and 30's and finding love was what I was supposed to do, but what I learned was that unless I was getting attention from another, then I wasn't feeling good about myself and always searching for that next "high" so I could feel positive.
I share this because I know countless people of all ages and sexual orientations who suffer from love addiction without actually knowing what to call it and it incredibly painful and destructive...there's no need to suffer anymore.
For more information on Love Addiction, I found this article to be helpful as well.
My hope is that by sharing and offering guidance about love addiction, you'll have a chance to learn what needs to be explored in your life so you can feel good about yourself, without relying on another to make you feel that way.
If you're interested in learning how to re-program your mindset around love and think you may have love addiction, you can schedule time to apply: CLICK HERE TO BOOK.
1-to-1 Private Virtual Coaching ($2887 for 8 weeks)
Virtual Group Masterclass ($1497 for 6 weeks)
Virtual Masterclasses ($97 for 90 minutes)
Once we chat by phone and learn more about one another, I can share which programs are available and we can get you started. If you know a woman, who would benefit from changing her ways and is willing to, would you be so kind as to share this link with her? Thanks love!
In Health & Happiness,