The confidence to ask for what you need can often come with anticipation; thinking we already know the outcome. Filled with worry, anxiety, fear, and resentment even if it hasn't happened, yet.
What the heck, right?
It's common, I'm starting to realize that about our experience, our thoughts, and our feelings are similar. I can often think, I'm the only one who can't fall asleep because I'm thinking she's going to react that way - the way she has in the past - that really was so friggin' unpleasant or he's not going to respond at all (typical.)
What? Am I willing it to happen like that, again? I sure am if I keep those thoughts up!
I catch myself in these moments and take a breath.
If I'm over here counting sheep or as an adult (my breath) and still can't seem to simmer down then it's Insight Meditation to the rescue. I love that meditation app. Pick a time, topic, and volume...boom, I'm usually good as new and some days I need that specific meditation on repeat 2-3 times.
I'm finding that talking it through with a maximum of 3 safe and trusted people is also helpful.
Anything more than 3 people and it's possible that I'm likely seeking attention. Trying to get what I want from who I want so that I can feel better, when in reality, I know what I need to do to feel better. Some days it just feels hard to work out, eat the foods that my body loves, and stop checking my phone.
With my safe and trusted people, I know they won't repeat what I say even I fluctuate from wanting to throw in the towel yesterday and 2 days later it's as if I don't even remember that I felt so strongly about it. (Can I get an amen?!) I know they won't repeat what I say, judge me for feelings or condone behavior where I beat myself up.
Picking up the phone (not texting) is hard, sometimes. It may feel like you don't want to bother the person on the other line or dwell on your problems, but the reality is you may just be helping them.
Have you ever thought of it that way?
Someone on the other line may need you to interrupt their thoughts of their oh shit moments. When we keep the focus on someone else, when we can't get out of our own heads, it works well for both you and the person you called. Try it sometime.